I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
