My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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