im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
