Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
