the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
