Sry I called you an 8
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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