When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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