I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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