You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
