Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
