I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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