So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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