Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
