I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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