Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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