There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
