A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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