There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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