he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have aggressive nipples.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
