i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
