At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
