she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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