A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
