he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
