I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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