I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
