He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
