We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
