You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
