those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
