Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What a dumb baby whore.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
