that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
