the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
