absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
