I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
