I'm so fucking centered right now
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What a dumb baby whore.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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