Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
