Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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