Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I feel great
I just peed on a car
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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