the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
