No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
