Christians are straight up FREAKS
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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