angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
