My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
