He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
