what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Did I show you my penis last night?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
