So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
