just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
