we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
