you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
